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Alternate Uses For Weapons: (Bailing Out The Military Industrial Complex)


By Chris Churchill/Contributor

As the world, presumably, is striving to become a more peaceful place, we must consider whether peace is actually good for EVERYONE. It seems like peace SHOULD be good for everyone but, alas, it’s not so. For instance, without corpses, worms, vultures and other scavengers suffer and starve. Did you know that without constant explosions and gun fire, the Gatai or “the explosion worshiping people” of The Amazon would lose all purpose in life. Mostly, however, it is the good men and women of the military industrial complex that suffer. I don’t mean that collection of military surplus stores in the outlet mall off the highway. I’m talking about the system that former president and worry wart (warrior and worrier) Dwight D. Eisenhower warned us about as he was leaving office in 1960. 

It turns out he’s right. There IS such a system that only thrives when wars are happening. The good men and women who feed their families by making weapons could be totally left out in the cold (until this global warming thing really kicks in) if we stop using the weapons that they produce and sell. 

So, on the off chance we ever stop killing each other, I’d like to offer some alternate uses for the weapons. Bullets can be used in many creative ways. Bullets can replace macaroni in children’s art. They make excellent doorstops for small doors. Or hinge nails for big ones! 

They can be used to chop down trees. It’ll take some sort of high powered firing device to complete that project. Good thing they invented guns. Using guns and bullets together is surely the fastest way to get those trees down with weapons. Glue them to your head so you can be called bullet head. Bombs are great for blowing off steam after a bad day at work or a failed romantic relationship. Feeling down? Blow something up! You feel better? Heck yeah you do! Bombs can also be dressed up and stood on end to make the crowds at your parties, get together or presidential rallies seem bigger. A lot of people don’t realize this but bombs have been used as “seat fillers” at the Oscars ever since they tried it as a promotional stunt during “Patton's" campaign for the big prize.

Body armor can be used to keep your top heavy clothes dressers from tipping over. They also look good. Instead of a bathing suit this summer, try body armor. That old sun won’t have a shot at burning you. 

This isn’t the full, definitive list. I’m just trying to start a dialogue. If you have more ideas as to how to save the good men and women of the military industrial complex, please send them to us. We’ll be sending the list to them via the Enigma machine.

 Chris Churchill teaches communication, media, and theatre at Northeastern Illinois University.  His book/audiobook, "Ballad of the Small Talker," is available on Amazon, iTunes, and Spotify.

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