By Chris Churchill/Contribuor Sometimes a story is straightforward; easy to understand. Sometimes it is not. Or is it? It is…not. In the case of the books with the more complicated structures, it is often the extreme difficulty understanding what the author is trying to get across that is, in many ways, it’s own reward. “The 1975 Kansas City, Kansas White Pages” is one such case.  It would appear, on first blush, that it is too thick to read in it’s entirety. Is this some sort of dare from an over-literate bumpkin? Is it meant to be read or just ripped in half to impress people? Well, I assure you, it is meant to be read. I sat down in May of 2008 to start out on the extremely rewarding task of decoding this beast. It took me 9 years to read and I lost most of my important personal relationships in the meantime but it was worth it. To start, let me help you get a little ahead of the game. This book has a couple really important devices that help you along. Firstly, not one...

By: Chris Churcill/Contributor Hey guys.  Big news. Big fake news. I’m so excited to be the one to be here to report it to you.  The scientists have really done it. They’ve figured it out. I think it’s really going to happen this time. The research is back and it appears that it works.  Here it is: They have come up with this new invention where you can just kill anyone you want with the push of the button. It’s called “The Button”! How simple is that? How does it work? It’s really science-y and I don’t fully understand it. Just call it magic. It may as well be. Someone makes you want them dead? The Button is here to facilitate your action! What a perfect invention! The Button is super easy, too. Some people say it’s too easy but how can we, in good conscience, and in respect to scientific progress, say that something can be too easy? It’s why we make machines. To make work easier.  Anyway, enough of my moralizing. Here’s what you do: You simply purchas...

By: Chris Churcill/Contributor EXT. PARK.           CORRESPONDENT addresses camera.   CORRESPONDENT                     Have you ever wondered...?           Turns to people in the park.                     ...How many toes do we really need                               PERSON 1                     3?                               PERSON 2                     6?                               PERSON 3                     12?     ...

By Chris Churchill/Contributor As the world, presumably, is striving to become a more peaceful place, we must consider whether peace is actually good for EVERYONE. It seems like peace SHOULD be good for everyone but, alas, it’s not so. For instance, without corpses, worms, vultures and other scavengers suffer and starve. Did you know that without constant explosions and gun fire, the Gatai or “the explosion worshiping people” of The Amazon would lose all purpose in life. Mostly, however, it is the good men and women of the military industrial complex that suffer. I don’t mean that collection of military surplus stores in the outlet mall off the highway. I’m talking about the system that former president and worry wart (warrior and worrier) Dwight D. Eisenhower warned us about as he was leaving office in 1960.  It turns out he’s right. There IS such a system that only thrives when wars are happening. The good men and women who feed their families by making weapons ...